Saturday, July 25, 2009

Please read this and tell me how I did.?


Nancy had just grabbed the key from the painting when she got the feeling someone was watching her. She turned sharply just in time to see the door to the tower slam shut. The detective swiftly put the key in her pant pocket and went quietly to the door, just in case someone was still there. She opened the door quickly. No one was there, but she heard footsteps. She raced down the spiral staircase qickly. She was about 20 steps down when she stepped on her untied shoelace and went falling down the stairs! "Owwww!", she yelled. She quickly got up and fell back down in pain. Whoever was there is gone now.

She got up slowly and limped to the lobby. "Dexter!", she called out. "Can you come into the lobby for a sec?" A few seconds later the frail, older man arrived and looked at Nancy. "What's wrong? Are you okay? You look like you fell down a staircase." "I did." was Nancy's reply. "Wow, is everything all right? Do you need a doctor? Or some ice or something?" "No I don't need a doctor but maybe some ice for my head. I hit it pretty hard on that puzzle at the bottom of the spiral staircase in the tower." "Comin' right up. I'll go down to the basement to get some from Jacques."

Dexter headed down the stairs towards the basement. "Jacques! Jacq- there you are. Nancy fell and hit her head, she needs some ice."Okay, I'll get it." The handsome frenchman handed over a large bag of ice over to Dexter. "Thanks Jacques." "Anytime." he said.

Dexter trodded back up the steps to give the ice to Nancy. He handed it to her and suggested she go lie down for the rest of the night. "Oh Dexter! Really I'm okay. Just a little banged up and bruised. The ice is helping." Dexter paid no attention. "Up to your room you go." Nancy finally consented.

The next morning Nancy woke up at 9:00 a.m. to the sound of a loud beeping. It was her alarm clock. She switched it off and rubbed her aching head. "No matter what is hurting, I am doing some serious sleuthing today." She said aloud. She quickly dressed in some jeans and a yellow-orange sweater and walked out of the cold room. The heater was broken, again. She passed Lisa's bedroom and thought she would ask Lisa some questions.

She knocked on Lisa's door several times before loudly calling, "Lisa! Lisa! It's me Nancy. I need to speak with you." She finally gave up and went down the hall a little more to Professor Hotchkiss's new room. She didn't want to be robbed again so she asked Dexter if she could move. She knocked on her door and waited. A second later Prof. Hotchkiss was peering through a crack in her door. "Yes?" "Hi Professor! I was just wondering if you have seen Lisa this morning?" The professor hesitated a moment then replied, "Yes. Yes I have. At about 8:30 this morning I was in the lobby reading when she went down to the basement. I heard some heated talking between her and that french fellow." She opened her door a bit more. "It sounded like they were an old married couple." The professor chuckled. "I figured she was flirting with him and he was getting mad so I didn't think nothing of it. Then about ten minutes ago, I saw Jacques come out of the basement with a ripped shirt.

"A ripped shirt?" questioned the young sleuth. "Yes. It was a brown polo shirt and it had a very large rip in the back of it. "In the back of it?" "Yes. I asked him what he did and he said he was walking up towards some garden and he slipped on a patch of ice, landed on a twig that ripped his shirt." "Hummm." Nancy said. "Thanks professor" Well,

Nancy thought to herself, falling on a twig is not going to rip a very large hole in the back of someones shirt. She set off to find Jaqcues.

Nancy was just entering the basement when she heard a loud BOOM! She went back behind the counter where Jaqcues works and found him sitting on the floor with his back toward her.

"Jacques, what happened?" Nancy asked. "I was cooking a burrito in the microwave and it exploded all over." "Oh, okay." Nancy said. "Do you think I could talk to you for a second?" "Sure I guess." was his reply. "I was talking to the Professor a minute ago and she said that she heard you yelling at someone. Who were you yelling at?" "Oh, yes I was talking on the phone to my fiance. She wants to come and visit me and I told her now is not a good time so she got angry and we had a fight. Nothing more." "Okay Jacques thanks. Oh, by the way, have you seen Lisa this morning?" "Yes I have, I saw her going outside at about 9:00 this morning." "Okay. I'll catch you later."

Nancy went back up to her room and pondered on what Jacques had said. He said the loud argument was with his fiance. But the professor said she had heard Lisa and him talking.Something was not right. She wondered why Jacques was lying and why Lisa could not be found.♥Part Two♥___________________________

It was now about 11:00 and Nancy decided she was hungry. She went up to Dexter's desk and wondered if she could get something to eat. "Sure Nancy. Whaddya want? I can have Jacques go into town and pick something up." "Oh no need to do that." Dexter insisted. "Okay, I want pizza!" "Pizza it is. I'll tell Jacques right away." Nancy decided she would do a little searching as to who was in the tower the other day until lunch came. She carefully unlocked the door underneath the elevator and went inside.

"Hmmm. I wonder what this is." She picked up a rather large gold ring and studied it. "It looks like an engagement ring or a wedding band." Nancy gasped. "It might be Jacques." Was he down here the other day, she thought to herself. "I'll have to ask if it is his." She searched all around but found nothing else. It was nearly 1:00 when she came up to the lobby. Dexter, Jacques, and the professor was all there paper plates in hand. A pizza box sitting on the coffee table. "Nancy where were you?" Professor Hotchkiss asked. "I was in the tower, search-- uh looking around." " Oh. well your pizza's right here. I saved a piece with extra pepperoni on it for you." "Thanks Professor." She took the piece and placed it on a napkin and walked up the stairs to her room.

She lie on her bed and thought about Lisa. Where was she? Then a thought hit her. She could be in the shed. Why haven't I looked there yet? Nancy quickly slipped off her penny loafers and put on her Ugg boots and fur coat and quickly went outside.

She shivered as she opened the large wooden door. Cold, icy wind bit at her face. "Man it sure is cold out here." Nancy looked up and saw a figure coming out of the shed. The figure turned and headed towards the hidden garden. Nancy ran to it. She unlocked the special lock and went in. She crouched behind the stone bench and waited for something to happen.

The figure was wearing plain tennis shoes and a black trench coat. The person was wearing a black ski mask so his face was hidden. He seemed to be examining the head of Ezra Wickford. He tried poking the eyes. Nancy assumed he was looking for a secret way to open or turn the head. Nancy of course knew how to turn it. It couldn't be Dexter then because he knew how to work it. It had to be either Lisa, Prof. Hotchkiss, or Jacques.

The person soon gave up and turned toward the door. Nancy's foot was falling asleep so she moved to try to get it to wake up. Her foot hit a rock and it scraped across the concrete. The figure turned looked in Nancy's direction and... sneezed. The person left quickly. Nancy sighed with relief.

Nancy got up and left the garden and went after the person but when she got out of the garden, no one was in sight. She wondered why every person she wanted to catch got away. Nancy turned left and went inside the rickety, old shed. She opened the door. It squeaked loudly. She went down the 3 stairs there were carefully checking to make sure her shoes were tied. She was wearing boots. Good. The young teenager looked over by the work bench to find a tape. It wasn't labeled or anything so she took it and slipped it inside her boot so it sould not get lost.

She examined the lift to find it had been tampered with. Someone had broken off one of the knobs. In a struggle maybe? "Man I have to think more logically. Why do I think that Lisa is in trouble? Maybe she drove into town or something." Nancy examined the shed a little more. Finding nothing she turned to leave. When she headed for the door she spotted a heap of something underneath the steps.

"Lisa?" Nancy called. No response. She crouched down beside it and she rolled the mound over to find none other than a heap of tarps. She sighed in desperation. Where was Lisa? Nancy exited the shed and went back inside the castle. She smiled at the warmth the heater brought. "Ahhh! Warm air." "Huh?" a voice said. "Oh!" She jumped backward to find Jacques standing om front of Lisa's open locker.

"What are you doing Jacques?" "None of your business, Detective Drew! Get out of here and don't come down here again!" "What is wrong? I was just wondering why you were invading Lisa's privacy by getting into her locker." "I was just getting out a piece of paper from her locker." "Jacques, that is a lame excuse and we both know it." "Fine, I was looking through her stuff because she was bragging how she is the best journalist and goes everywhere is the world. I wanted to know how she got so famous so I looked in her locker to see if she had anything in there to igve me a hint as to how she is so famous." "Okkkkkkaaaaaayyyyy. Why did you act so suspicious when I asked you what you were doing?" "Because I didn't want you to think I was stealing from her." "Okay Jacques I trust you." She said and walked out of the room. She didn't really trust him.


♥Part Three♥_______________________________

Nancy forgot to ask about his ring so she turned around and said, "Jacques, did you lose a gold ring?" "Nope." He held up his left hand which revealed a silver band. She noticed his fingers were relatively large though. "Okay just wondering." She left

It was 12:00 a.m. and Nancy was in her bed sleeping peacefully. She awoke to a knock on her door. Nancy was out of her bed before you could say Professor Beatrice Hotchkiss. She looked out the peephole on her door and saw two shadowy figures standing there. She opened the door to a suprise.

"Bess, George! What are you doing here?" Bess quickly responded with, "We were getting lonely in River Heights and thought you could use some help so George suggested we come up here. I said yes way! So... here we are!" "But at midnight?" Nancy said sleepily. "Well we kinda got lost along the way. We did drive from River heights. Well Bess did anyway." Bess gave George a sheepish grin. "You said you didn't want to drive." "Anyway come on in and I will get you set up." Nancy said.

The next morning the three friends awoke at 8:00 a.m. Bess was still in her pink bunny jammies and was sitting on the couch after George and Nancy came back up to the room after getting everyone coffee and a donut for Bess. "Bess, get dressed" her cousin griped. "Okay, just a second." She threw on some fashion sweatpants and a stylish green blouse. They talked about the mystery over their coffee and Bess's donut. Then they heard a loud scream!

"Who was that?" Bess asked nervously. "I don't know but lets find out."

Nancy said. They creeped down the hall to find Professor Hotchkiss looking in the old elevator. They went over to her and gasped at what they saw.

"Lisa?" Nancy questioned. "Yes," Professor Hotchkiss said. "I just found her. She's unconscious. Wh are these two?" "These are my friends, Bess and George." Nancy replied. "Lets carry her back to Nancy's room." Said George. The three friends gently lifted the limp woman while the professor looked on with worry. They walked in and laid her on the large blue couch. "Lisa? Lisa? Can you hear me?" Nancy said softly into her ear. She stirred and her eyes fluttered open in fright.

"Wh- wha- what am I doing here?" she asked fearfully. "Professor Hotchkiss found you unconscious in the elevator. Do you rmember anything?" Nancy asked. "All I reme,ber is talking, well screaming at Jaqcues and then I went outside and then lights out Lisa." "Okay, why were you screaming at Jacques? Were you two fighting?" "Yes they were. I heard them" Professor Hotchkiss piped in. "Yes we were." She eyed the professor curiously. "Why were you fighting?" George asked. Genuinely concerned. "We were fighting over who's more famous. You know him being a 'champion skiier' and I being a journalist. I wanted to interview him for a magazine called Skiiers Today. He said okay and then it all spun out of control."

"Did he hurt you?" Bess asked. "Not that I can remember. He may be the one who knocked me smooth but I don't know." "Well, let's walk you back to yuor room so you can get some rest." Nancy said. They did so and went back to Nancy's room. "Thanks Professor. You really did help us today." "Oh it was nothing." She left saying she had more writing to do. The girls decided to go and interview Jacques. Hoping he would be a little more open.

The girls trudged down to the basement and found Jacques working on a pair of purple ski boots. Apparently the Professor's. "Hi Jacques!" Nancy called out. I have some people I would like you to meet. These are my two best friends in the whole world, Bess Marvin and George Fayne." Bess gave a little wave and George grunted. "Hello girls. Hi Nancy. Hey, sorry about the other day." "It's okay Jacques. Listen I was wondering if I could ask you a question or two. "Okay shoot." "Did you have a fight with Lisa yesterday?" The girls waited. Wondering whether or not he would tell the♥Part Four♥

"No, I didn't fight with anyone but my fiance." "Okay." The girls sighed. Why was he lying? Or was he telling the truth? Could the professor be lying? Nah.

Nancy was walking to her bedroom when she realized that she hadn't examined the library or the professor's room. She wanted to do a little sleuthing alone so she suggested the girls go skiing. "Okay Nancy! That sounds like fun." George cried. "Awww! I don't wanna go skiing." Bess wailed. "Come on Bess." George called after her. Nancy was getting tired of them tagging along with her. She loved her friends, but sometimes a girl needs some space!

Nancy went into the hallway in which the library was located. She tried to open the door but it was locked. Wow what a suprise! She took the key out of her pocket, inserted the key, twisted it and went in. She disarmed the alarm and walked over to a pile of books. She thumbed through one called A Queen In Despair. Not very interesting. She put it down. Nancy walked over to the hole in the wall. The hole was still there but the painting of Marie Antoinette that had been set below it was gone!

She gasped and wondered where it was. She began to search the library for a clue as to who took it or where it was. Just then someone entered the library. Nancy ducked behind a high-backed purple chair.

She watched intently as none other than Lisa entered the room. She examined the hole in the wall and gasped when she noticed the painting was gone. "So it wasn't Lisa who took it." Nancy thought. But who did?

Lisa stared at the hole in the wall and began to walk around the room. Looking at the various curios and maps and books. She picked up one book from the bottom of a pile, looked at it, smiled, and quickly stuffed inside her jacket. Nancy couldn't tell which book it was but it looked like it was rather small and red. Why did she smile when she looked at it? Something was diffenatley up.

Nancy had noticed Lisa had stirred up quite a bit of dust while looking around the ransacked library. Nancy felt her nose tickle and sneezed."Ach-oooooo!" "Who's there?" Lisa asked. "Who's there?" She asked even louder. Nancy stood up slowly. Gave a little wave and said, "Hi Lisa. I was just looking around the library when I heard somebody come in. I thought you were Dexter and I didn't want to get in trouble." "Oh. Well as you can see, I am certainly not Dexter. I was just leaving." "Wait!" Nancy cried. "What was that book you picked up?" "Book? Oh, yes! The book. Well, come to my room later tonight and I will tell you. Come alone." "Okay. I will." Nancy said nervously.

Bess and George were just returning from their ski trip when Nancy headed down to the basement. "Hi guys! How are the slopes?" "Great!" George replied. "Did you know I can ski so good that-" "George, she doesn't care." Bess said, interrupting her cousin. "Well I have some news." Nancy said. "Oooh what is it?" Bess asked, intrigued. "Well, I was looking around in the library and Lisa came in. I hid behind a chair but I sneezed and she found me. She had picked up a book and stuffed it inside her jacket. She said to come alone to her room tonight and she would tell me what the book was."

"Okaaaaayyyy. Are you really going to go alone? She might be dangerous. Haven't you thought about how she got into the library? Didn't you have the key? Obviously she has been in there before and knows the alarm code." George said in one long breath. "N- no I didn't think about that, but what if she is the culprit? I could catch her." "Well just be careful." George said. "I will. Don't I always?" Nancy replied with a mischevious grin.

It was getting towards 8:00 PM and Nancy had forgotten about the tape in her boot. "Hey girls! Come in here." George and her cousin came out of the bathroom and stared at Nancy. "What is it Nancy? Is something wrong?" Bess asked. "No. I just forgot about this tape I found in the shed earlier. I wanted to listen to it. Do one of you girls have a tape player?" Bess produced one from her travel bag and set it one the table. Nancy inserted the tape and they listened intently to what it said.

m the truth.♥Part Five♥

"Lisa Ostrum, journalist here with some exciting news!" The tape crackled loudly as it played. "I am about to interview one of the greatest skiiers in France, Jacques Brunais. I am writing an article for Skiiers Today and I want him in it. Let's just head down the basement here. Ahhhh! And there he is. Hello? Mr. Brunais? May I speak with you for a second?" "Sure Lisa. What about?" "Well I am doing an article for Skiiers Today and I wanted to put you in it." Lisa said. "Okay. What do you want to know?" "Well, how do you cope with nagging fans? Do you sign autographs? Do you ski all the time?" "Well I do sign autographs and I don't ski all the time. Bad knees. Ummm. I just basically tell all my fans I need some space and they back off." "Let me ask you something else, have you ever done something to harm another skiier or have you cheated in a competition?" "Well" Jacques began. "I have cheated once or twice." "Really? What competition?" "Just between me and you, the last one as a matter of fact." Jacques said. "That's probably why I lost." "Oooops!" Lisa cried. The tape recorder hits the floor. "What is that?" Jacques cried. "Were you taping me?" "No! It is just my PDA!" "Yeah right!" THUD! "Lis-." The tape ends.

"Wow." Bess said. "Sounds like Jacques didn't want anyone to find out he was cheating." "Who would want the whole country to ifnd out you were cheating?" George said. "Well I think I better pay Lisa a visit now." Nancy said. Nancy walked down the hall. It was 8:57 PM. She lingered in the hall for a couple more minutes and then knocked on Lisa's door.

Lisa opened the door and said in a hoarse whisper,"Come in. Hurry." Nancy did so and seated herself on the burgandy couch. "Okay Lisa, let's cut to the chase. What was that book and why did you take it?" "Okay. But you wont believe me." "Try me." Was Nancy's reply. "Okay, I am an ancestor of Marie Antoinette. This was her second diary that she wrote. I know you have the first one. But I though I deserved the other one. The other day, I was in the tower looking around when I go into that little jail looking thing. I looked at the walls and noticed one block of cement protruded a little farther out than the rest. I pushed it and a little shelf came out about three inches. I had a tough time getting that book out I'll tell ya."

"Okay. Well that clears up that story, what about you taping Jacques without him knowing it?" "How did you find out about that?" Lisa demanded. "I was in the shed and I saw it on the work bench. It wasn't labled or anything so I took it. I wanted to know whose it was so I could give it back to them." "Huh. Well I want it back." Lisa said rather harshly. "I don't have it at the moment. It's in my room. My friends have it." "Well your friends had better hand it over. My reputation depends on that tape. Now, skeedaddle on over to your room, get the tape and make it back here in five minutes." Lisa said. "Okay. Be right back!" Nancy hurried on over to her room opened the door and slammed it shut.

"Nancy what is wrong?" Bess said. "Lisa is an anscestor of Marie Antoinette and she has a second diary the queen wrote. I need it. It may hold very important clues to this tower." Nancy said. "Well, I suggest we borrow it for awhile and then give it back." George said with a little anger in her voice. "That is what I thought but she guards the thing with her life. When I was talking to her, she was sitting on the thing!" Nancy said in disgust. "I have to get back down to her room with that tape in about 5 seconds so I will explain later." Nancy hurried down the hall to Lisa's open door. Lisa was standing there with a very angry look on her face.

"I was beginning to think you weren't coming back. Where's the tape?" Nancy handed it over reluctantly. "Now then, what else do you want to talk about?" "Nothing more. Thanks for your time Lisa." "Anytime. Anytime." Lisa said.

Nancy hurried back to her room to explain why she had taken the tape. After she finished, she got up abruptly and said, "I am going to the professor's room and I need a watchdog." George eagerly voluntered while Bess opted for a hot bath and some scented candles. Nancy sighed and her and George took off down the hall not knowing what to expect once they got to the professor's room.

Please read this and tell me how I did.?
well i didnt finish reading it but it was really great you put alot of effort in it and it really paid off i hope when you finish it its just as good as the beggining was
Reply:That's really good! I liked it!!! Great job! I gave you a star! :) ♥


Anne Report It

Reply:That was great.
Reply:Horrible..... I didn't like it ... I know this will not get me best answer but it's the truth. You can not use some ones character to write your own stuff. Secondly it reminds me of The Da Vinci Code when Sophie takes the hidden item from behind the painting and her and prof. langdon hear a noise. Plaigarism is the use of other peoples material or ideas either intentionally or unintentionally
Reply:that was... interesting
Reply:Was the shirt really riped... or did it just have a little hole in it ??
Reply:u had all that time 2 write that????? its 2 long!!!!!
Reply:u dont get out much do u?
Reply:Very good, there are a few grammatical errors and spelling mistakes but well done. You obviously have a creative mind, i couldn't do this.
Reply:i didnt read it al.....but the 1st 2 lines were pretty good....:)
Reply:whew, i need a nap now.
Reply:My honest answer is your question is far too long and i couldn't be bothered to read it sorry xx
Reply:wow.... that is soooo sooo long
Reply:im surprised they even let youpost this u gotta be f--kin kiddin me
Reply:i REALY like it, but you could use a little more voice, but the plot itself is phenominal. but a good trick you shhould use is to use adverbial prases in the narration
Reply:just add some paragraphs together because they are way too whort for a paragraph.... but if u fix that, its perfect....xD
Reply:i is so AWESOME!!! i think i will print it out and read it over and over!!!
Reply:I'm sure this is a very interesting and awesome story.. But i have absolutely no time to read it.. Sorry :S
Reply:It was very good. There were a couple of spelling mistakes though so you should look it over. Also when people are talking you need to make it a new paragragh. Like when someone new talks it's a new paragraph. Good work.
Reply:um... IT WAS FANTASTIC!!!

well at least up to the point where I stopped. I dont like to read, but what I just read was.. well... fantastic. lol


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